What do you avoid?
Years ago, my mom hit me with some wisdom that begged me to look at what I was avoiding. I was doing things that weren’t good for me + she sensed it. She said: “Just remember Jordan Taylor, you can’t game the system.”
What she meant by that was: “You can’t hide from yourself or deny what you know isn’t right for you. You can't keep trying to escape to nowhere. What you sweep under the rug now will eventually resurface, + it will do so with a terrible fierceness.”
It’s crazy how much time we can spend running down the wrong road. We can think we’re on our path, that certain things, people + endeavors are for us when they’re not. And all the while, we might even know it. There’s a difference between ignorance + avoidance. Ignorance implies incomprehension or unawareness. Certainly that’s the case sometimes—that we’re not even aware of what afflicts us. But I think our brains + hearts are smarter than that. If we look at + lean into the quietest corners of our private minds, we know. We know what’s there that needs to be brought to the light, but we avoid doing so because it means feeling, which means we’ll probably experience pain that we probably don’t know how to handle.
We all have avoidance tactics, numbing practices + things that we do to escape. Feeling + dealing isn’t easy. We all feel, but the missing piece for many of us is that we don’t know how to *deal*. What the hell do we do when we weren’t taught to deal? When we were taught or shown instead that we needed to be self-reliant, manly, not so dramatic? So many of us only know how to displace our distress through avoidance. It can look addiction, emotional shut-down, some sort of skewed + false optimism, chasing delusions that masquerade as dreams, burying yourself in work + all sorts of other short- + long-term distractions. We displace + displace + displace, over + over + over again. It's safe + yet it will someday exhaust us. It’s like knowing we’re thirsty + need water but we won’t let ourselves swallow it. Maybe we don’t know how to swallow it, so we stay parched. But we were never meant to be parched.
What afflicts + pains you? Ask yourself. Feel it. Don’t avoid it. Beautiful things can grow from what we choose to face, even if facing feels like breaking. Don’t hinder the deliverance of beautiful things by only feeling what you want to feel. Deal with it. Go to good people, go to tears, go to therapy, go to God. Our burden is undoubtedly too heavy for us, but we’re made strong in our weakness. Humbly strong. Put it down so you can carry something else that’s meant for you